Lord of On the Way to Well
Our church has been participating in a Lenten study on Spiritual Disciplines using a curriculum the small groups team wrote. Today’s challenge (which I wrote) is to journal a dialogue with Jesus. This follows onto a previous Friday’s challenge to “open your messy places” to Him.
I am sitting in the coffee lounge of our elaborate Orlando hotel. This is the dialogue I record. I am in black. Jesus is in red.
Lord, you are looking well.
I’m sitting her broken. For you. Did you do this?
Your body, broken for me. No, my child. I would never bring pain and suffering to you.
But there is pain. And I’m suffering, mostly on the inside. Oh, what a road I have ahead of me.
I know this road.
I was working for you, Lord. I thought so anyway. And now look at me. I can’t. I can’t I can’t.
But I can. I can do all things. Between us is the cross (T).
What are you doing in this? Can I know?
I’m teaching you to trust. To be patient. I’m showing you how I love even those who can’t.
I know you’re here. You keep facilitating my circumstances. Timing that’s perfect. A rainbow even now in my sunlit spot. But everything is so hard. It’s exhausting. I hate having to ask for help with everything. To be dependent on someone for everything.
You are dependent on someone for everything…Me. Your mind knows this. Now, you know what this feels like. I have allowed your disabling so you can see just how able you are when you’re totally dependent on me. Do you believe I can still work my will in you without your help?
This was pretty extreme, Lord.
You are an extreme case.
That’s what I’m worried about. That I am this bad. That you needed to resort to this.
Easier, a camel through the eye of a needle, than a rich man. This one thing: not, sell all your possessions…give up your capability.
You didn’t give me a choice. One minute I’m whole. The next, I’m broken.
If I’d let you choose, would you have chosen this?
This is what I require. To walk humbly with your God. I will make you well. Your wholeness will be because of me.
Thank you Lord. I want to be well. What do you want me to do while I am getting well?
Now you’re talking. I am Lord of ‘on the way to well.’
Smart alec. …Take each moment and let it be mine.
Did you just do that? Shine a rainbow on my messy things card?
Yep. What of it?
🙂 I can’t even see the words because I’m struck dumb by the colors.
Aha. Now we’re talking! I make all things new. (and beautiful, of course)
Who could I be showing off for? I’m my own audience of one.
Good point. Then it’s just for me?
Yes. That rainbow over your messy places is my signature. Our covenant. You have opened these places to me. These worries. Your insignificance. Your trying. Your anxiety. Your self-sufficiency. I know all of this about you. I have taken it all, today, upon myself. It is no longer yours but ours.
But – I will fall back into these things. It’s the way I’ve been for as long as I’ve known me.
Yep. You will. and you have. Just keep passing me the pail. (dirt) I have prayed for you. That after you fall, you will turn back to me, and strengthen your brothers and sisters.
I did fall.
And I’ve picked you up. Been carrying you. Do you think I will drop you?
No. This is just the worst. I keep thinking about what might go wrong. A wound in the butt. Lying in bed. Not being able to roll over. Needing someone to dress my butt wound. How humiliating!
Humility is the last thing we will work on together.
Is there another way? I mean, you could miraculously heal me and…
I could. You’ll just have to wait and see. remember the time and patience thing?
Lord, I love you.
Wendy, I love you.
Can you help me remember that this goes before everything else?
Just see the rainbow. I made it especially for you. It’s my greeting card for you. I’ve blotted out all your transgressions. Your sin is no more. Can you believe this?
There is nothing to worry about?
There is nothing to worry about.
Thank you, Lord. What do I do now?
Go and make disciples in my name.
A name above every name. Help me edit my words so they are yours.
Lord, let me be Fit2Finish.
You’ll be in for the PKs.
That goalkeeper doesn’t stand a chance. Can we turn him to our team?
Now you’re talking.